Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


Tell me everything about
your hopes,
your fears,
and every doubt.

I want to know about it all;
your ups,
your downs,
and every fall.

Include me in your secret world
and how it all became unfurled.
Show me what I need to see,
so you, and I, become we.

Tell me all about your life;
your family,
your friends,
and every strife.

I want to see just what you are;
your pain,
your sorrow,
and every scar.

Tell me of your hidden place
and what I see within your face.
Show me what I need to see,
so you, and I, become we.
:iconparliamentfunk:

Author's Comments

Too sappy? :P

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconthespook:
I liked it. I'm no poet, so I can't give you anything more than that, but I did find 'become a we' to be awkward. Any reason not to drop the 'a'?
:iconparliamentfunk:
It sounds awkward to me without it. You must be saying it wrong, damn Aussie. :giggle:

--
DISCLAIMER: Above statements may be entirely false.

Big boobs are just a distraction from the floor show.
:iconthespook:
I don't wish to push the point if that's how you want it, but unless 'a we' is poetic license, it sounds wrong to me, perhaps because it's grammatically incorrect. It's like saying 'a us' isn't it? I know you mean it as in 'a unit', 'a pairing'... hmm. Maybe if you capitalised it? 'become a We'? Oh, I dunno.

Even with that slight itch, I like it anyhow, so it's all good.
:iconthespook:
oh. lulz. Actually, I think it would be 'an us'. But that'd just sound even worse.
:iconparliamentfunk:
Haha, no pushing. I'm just being a douche. The more I think about it, the more awkward it sounds. I'm stewing it over to say the least. ^___^

I'm glad you like it. :manhug:

--
DISCLAIMER: Above statements may be entirely false.

Big boobs are just a distraction from the floor show.
:iconjurgendoe:
:rofl:

--
Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire!
:iconjurgendoe:
Americans speak the most worth english I've ever heard :rofl:

--
Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire!
:iconjurgendoe:
I like the poem. This are very deep thoughts you're having :D

--
Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire!
:iconparliamentfunk:
The most worth? :O

--
DISCLAIMER: Above statements may be entirely false.

Big boobs are just a distraction from the floor show.
:iconparliamentfunk:
Thanks. ^___^

--
DISCLAIMER: Above statements may be entirely false.

Big boobs are just a distraction from the floor show.

Details

February 15
744 bytes

Statistics

56
10 [who?]
304 (0 today)
11 (0 today)

Site Map